January 21, 2010

I think I just ate some bad ribs, I might start vomiting soon, so I figured what better way to enduce the vomiting early than to reminisce about the film Youth in Revolt.

youth in revoly

Youth in Revolt is a film that doesn't surprise, barely entertains and made me chuckle once. Yes, it made me chuckle only once. Michael Cera plays an overly smart kid seeking to bone an overly smart blonde in a film that appeals to hipsters. But then again I spent 10 bucks and saw the movie, so what does that say about me? Youth in Revolt is just another one of those movies that is Hollywood's attempt to be indie and different. It ultimately fails in every way and not in some interesting blaze of glory failure that halfway makes you respect it, nah son. If every movie could be compared to human flatulence, and a great film was equal to a huge, rip, roaring, earth shattering fart, well then Youth in Revolt would be that silent but deadly fart that lets out a puff of egg smelling dirty evilness that lives inside all of mankind reminding us that we are all truly evil at the core. Youth in Revolt is a silent forgetful fart that we only remember because it simply stank so bad it made the paint peel off the walls.

youth in revolt

I, like probably most of you, thought Michael Cera would give up being a herb, grow that french suave mustache and also grow some major cojones as well. Instead he simply takes advice from his imaginary self that pops up every now and then. I much rather would have seen Cera totally give himself over to this new french persona, maybe shag a few hundred hipster ho-bags, maybe eat some snails, maybe yell at americans, or maybe a cameo by Godard. The possibilities are endless really.

If I made this movie, Cera would still be trying to win over that blonde smart trailer trash girl but just as he becomes cool french Cera, and wins her over, he then would turn the tables and deny her. From there he would go on a world wide hunt to shag every women known to man except that one girl. Jealousy and grief would overwhelm her and she would then shag every man besides Cera just to spite him. In the end they would become the new version of the Christian Mary and Joseph. Having only left each other to be unshagged they would meet once more. She would get impregnated with Cera's child without even touching him or having any sort of sexual intercourse. In turn a new race would be born greater than humans, above and beyond everything you thought you knew. But that's just where I would have gone with it.

youth in revolt2

Also what chaps my ass a bit is seeing talented actors like Ray Liotta, Zach Galifianakis and Steve Buscemi cast in insignificant roles that any lesser known actor could have played. It almost feels like a trick that this film has such actors on its roster but they are benched while others play ball. Bad move dudes, definitely not making it to the playoffs.

In conclusion, I would suggest this film only to those who don't enjoy laughter but rather enjoy inducing massive amounts of boredom onto themselves.

...and look! I wrote this whole post and I didn't even vomit...yet.

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