June 27, 2010

I think this movie is the prequel to The 40 Year Old Virgin because there's no way this kid is getting any gnarly pieces of poontang while he's having separation anxiety over his fucking toys. What a freakin herb. Yea, I mean I guess one would have to muster up some courage to just give away their favorite childhood toys although, for this kid, it seems his whole childhood was toys. I vaguely remember him having a birthday party and also attending a birthday party in the previous films so I guess maybe he had some friends. Wait, no fuck that. I bet his mom set up all his play dates. Fuck this kid, Andy. Oh shit, Andy?! That's the same name as Steve Carell's character in 40 Year Old Virgin. It all suddenly seems so clear.

Toy Story 3 is a movie that centers on one thing, losing people, getting lost, being found and finding people. The whole movie is built around characters getting separated and then having to find each other again. It's an exhausting thing to witness. I became so anxious and a bit angered every time someone got captured or lost. I think the whole time I was waiting for the movie to start but it couldn't because these goddamn toys kept getting lost!!!!!

The movie is pretty uneventful. I can sum it up in one sentence. "The toys get brought to a daycare, it's evil as shit, and they have to find a way back." Whoopty fucking doo! It took these people eleven years since the last toy story to create this shit?! Goddamn, there's nothing worse then a long wait ending in no pay off. Its like getting jacked off by some ho for like an hour and a half and then right before the end she bounces to go to the mall with her friends, or to go see Drake play somewhere.

I guess if you liked the other two Toy Story films it's almost a no-brainer, you're gonna go see this one. It almost doesn't matter if it's good or bad anymore. That's what a franchise is about, that is why studios love a good franchise. They can churn out cockamayme shit and it doesn't matter. Lucky for you, I'm gonna be here to say why I think it sucks caribou's dick.

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