TRON

After drinking a fair amount of Blue Moon and eating a great deal of  "authentic Italian food" at the local Olive Garden, me and 8 good friends were feeling like "family".  After dinner some of us thought it would be a good idea to catch the late showing of Tron Legacy.  So we did.

Tron Legacy is a remake but I would imagine you knew that unless you just crawled out from under a rock or woke up from a 28 year long coma. The film is about living in the "grid", meaning living inside a program, inside the computer.  Trippy shit, aye?  The short version of a longer boring story is of a kid whose father disappears. This kid, Sam Flynn, grows up from a P.K. Ripper riding teenager to a Ducati riding 20-something.  He eventually, through the help of an old family friend, acquires the keys to his fathers old arcade which he used to own.  Sam goes there and discovers a door behind the Tron cabinet, the game his father created.  He goes through the door, hacks into some random computer and enters into the world of Tron, a world his father created.  As you can see from this short description of the movie, he has some serious daddy issues!  I couldn't help but relate, I suppose.

While watching this movie I began to imagine if this was my story.  Except my father wouldn't disappear in an effort to nerd out in some sick twisted digital trance world called Tron, mine would have disappeared because of a desire to binge drink!  I would search for my father in every bar and at the bottom of every bottle, can or glass.

One late night, I would find myself in a random empty dive bar, on a random street, in a random part of NYC.  A bartender, wearing all black with glowing blue neon lights on her garment and a face so pale I at first would think she was but a ghost, would pour me a beer and I'd drink it.  She would disappear behind the bar, and I'd eventually walk around to find an open door into a new world.   A world where the inhabitants existence directly relates to their drunkenness, sobriety is death here.  Wino booze hound drunks would rule this world and everyone would challenge each other to drinking games.  Beer pong, with glowing blue and red balls of course, would be a popular one.  Nobody would be better than me and daddy though.  My dad would live in a palace and have cirrhosis of the liver but damn would he be bad ass.  All the wino booze hound drunks would shake their fists as they gaze upon his palace from time to time, always knowing that they could never drink like he could.

But I digress, Tron Legacy is basically your age old story of good vs bad.  I guess it's also an allegory of the endless battle between crips (blue) and bloods (red).

Probably the most, and maybe the only, entertaining aspect of this film would be the visuals.  The whole film has a really good look to it, way better than the original, which should be expected since the original is 30 years old.  It did feel like I was watching a 2 hour Daft Punk music video though, maybe that was due to their film score.  They even made a cameo in the film too.

This movie is pretty much another one of those screen saver movies, meaning it would serve best as a screen saver for your computer rather than as a movie with worthwhile content.  Scratch that, it would probably serve best to just have it projected onto a wall for your next trance party.  Heck, maybe you can even have Daft Punk play that trance party too!  That would really just bring it all full circle, wouldn't it?

Jeff Bridges stars as both Kevin Flynn and also Clu, except Clu is actually the computer animated younger version of Jeff Bridges.  I have to admit, for a second there I really believed the computer animated Jeff Bridges wasn't computer animated.  Then he started yapping his jaw and that always gives it away, either that or the hair.  They can't replicate that stuff just right yet.

The fan-boy side of me still thinks of "The Dude" every time I see Jeff Bridges in a movie.  I just can't help but think of how much more entertaining the film would be if only Bridges played "The Dude" in it.  In this movie, he uses the word "man" quite a few times and that definitely doesn't help me forget.

I wouldn't suggest watching this movie unless you plan on self-medicating with booze throughout its entirety.

P.S. I just realized now that the movie is actually a sequel and Jeff Bridges was in the original.  Shit yo, mah Bust!