December 12, 2011

When I first saw the trailer for Jack and Jill, I thought it was a joke.  I kept waiting for the joke to be over but then the trailer was over.  I was dumbfounded.  I knew right then that I simply had to see it.

I really don't know where I should start with Adam Sandler's latest movie.  I guess I can start by saying it's a heaping steaming pile of cow dung but that doesn't really help you to understand why it's so fucking horrible.  I suppose Sandler's films were never really known for having much of an educated humor but this one is something else.  This one is just painful.  The whole time I just kept wondering how pathetic it all must have seemed on set.  I imagined crew members whispering to each other about how this film would be the end of Adam Sandler.

The whole movie is just filled with random nonsense.  There's just an endless barrage of jokes that seem to come out of nowhere and are not funny at all.  At one point I just wanted to shake my fist at the screen and yell "BE MORE FUNNY!"

Sandler's character has an adopted child that is obsessed with taping things to his body, very often live animals even.  Huh?!  Why!?  I think Sandler must have been stoned while writing this one.  Or what about the secret gibberish language he speaks and understands only with his twin sister?  Or how about the completely racist jokes that spew from Sandler's hispanic gardener?  It's all random and it all fuckin sucks!  And no, its not the bad that's so bad its funny, like MacGruber for example.  It's the so bad that it's just really fucking bad, man!

Maybe this is Adam Sandlers way of saying his audience is a bunch of complete dumbasses?  Maybe Sandler purposely made this movie a complete piece of shit just to test us.  I guess we passed the test though cause I don't know anyone that has said anything good about this garbage film!

Also, I don't know how the hell Sandler got Al Pacino in this movie.  What serious actor would read this script, involving Adam Sandler playing both the twin brother and sister, riddled with horrible shit jokes, and say "You know what, I do wanna do this movie!  It sounds great!"

In the movie, Sandlers character is trying to get Pacino to do this embarrassing commercial for Dunkin Donuts.  What's kinda funny is that they make Pacino seem like he cares so much about the roles he plays and how he would never do the Dunkin Donuts commercial.  Then Pacino ends up doing the DD ad while starring in this horribly bad Sandler movie.  They are breaking down some sort of fourth wall of embarrassment here.  They're not only embarrassing Pacino in the film but the very film itself is the biggest embarrassment.

You know what, maybe I'm being too harsh here.  Pacino and Sandler might have done something genius. Maybe they made a film in which they are joking about themselves, or rather how we perceive them.  Pacino, the serious actor (pronounced "ACT OR") is making fun of himself and maybe Sandler, the wacky nonsensical one note actor, has dumbed himself down to the lowest point.  Maybe this film is Pacino and Sandler's commentary on how the world views them and they just play into it.   This could be their joke on us!

Nah, this movie just sucks.  It's just shit, it's a landfill of shit.  Don't watch it, your eyeballs may turn back in your head as a defense mechanism just to try and get away from the sheer horror.  You don't believe me?!  Fine, go ahead and watch it!  But don't come crying back to me when your eyeballs are looking back at your big dumb brain!  Ya freakin idiot!

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