April 13, 2012

What would happen if some really, really fat, bulgey eyed loner dude enjoyed Human Centipede so much that he went all DIY and actually did it himself.  Except, instead of connecting three poor bastards, ass to mouth, he went for a solid dozen.  Talk about a fuckin overachiever, I guess you could say this guys overcompensating for something, eh?!  Wink, wink.  I'm trying to say he got a small dickle doodle doo, ok?!

Anyway, I didn't expect them to go this route for the sequel but I suppose it's an interesting turn to take.  The main dude is a parking lot attendant who sits in his patrol station watching Human Centipede all day, eryday.  Ya feel meh?!  This dude is a real piece of work, let me tell you.

First off he has a Human Centipede scrapbook that he treasures like one would a first born child.  He jacks off to Human Centipede while at work, and with a piece of high grit sand paper between his hands and dicky.  He has a pet centipede, probably not too surprising considering what I've already mentioned.  He looks older than 35 and still living at home, total boner kill for the ladies I'm sure.  He never speaks one word the whole entire movie either!  And sometimes when watching Human Centipede he gets so damn excited that he just shits himself.  He's probably a virgin too but that's ok, I can respect people who are waiting for marriage.

I suppose he hasn't had the easiest life and his behavior is a result of that.  His dad used to sexually abuse him, his mother is an annoying cunt and his doctor wants to fuck him really, really badly.  At one point the doctor is getting a blowjob in the back seat of a friends car.  The friend asks him if he's enjoying himself and the doctor says "I rather fuck that retarded boy but this'll do".  That got a real chuckle outta me.

I guess it makes sense that he would really wanna crush the competition and go for a twelve person centipede.  This guy failed at everything else possible but maybe just maybe he can make the worlds longest human centipede and shut out the competitors!  Cuz, you know, who isn't trying to surgically connect people ass to mouth these days?

I kinda was hoping this would be it but no, there is yet another Human Centipede film in the works.  The only thing going for these films is that they continuously make the ass to mouth chain longer and longer.  I have to admit I would be curious to see a Human Centipede film where people are connected ass to mouth in a chain around the world.  It's either that or having a carefully chosen celebrity as the next lead role surgeon...maybe 50 cent or David Hasselhoff or Larry David or even Rosie O' Donnel, she seems like a real evil ass bitch at the core.

Anyway, if ass to mouth is yo thing, if you can relate to jackin off with sand paper or you're just a plain old sick fuck, then this film's for you!  It's on netflix so you can enjoy it from the comfort of your own home or workplace!  Enjoy!

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