June 18, 2013

Dear Rabby,

Just a quick question: why is it that nice guys always finish last? I've tried being nice all my life (nineteen yrs) to women, yet I get nothing; yet if some guy who treats them really badly comes in, they're the ones who end up with a girlfriend, and me with squat. What's the deal?!

Lonely Nice Guy

Ah, the age old question,"why dost thou nice guy finish last?" This is a question that plagues the mind of all nice guys. They try so hard to win the girl over when a heartless numbskull comes along and steals her away.

First off, I think you're not only putting the pussy on a pedestal as they say but you built a skyscraper halfway to the moon and threw the pussy on the roof of it. C'mon man, snap the fuck out of it. I think maybe you're obsessing too much on some girls. You gotta relax, hermano.

Now that's not to say that you shouldn't give this special honey your attention but often times nice guys will give too much attention. You may be stifling this girl with your niceness. Imagine your niceness as a comfy pillow and this gal you like is just trying to watch True Blood or Girls, or whatever lame ass shows they watch these days, and then you come along with your niceness pillow and cover her face until she can't breathe and you're screaming "Like me! Like me! Like me!" That's kinda sorta what you're doing in a less creepy murderous way.

Many girls don't want a clingy guy, in fact most don't, especially at your age. Some may enjoy the thrill of the chase and the feeling of winning over a guy. If you're hanging over their shoulder like a gargoyle at every waking moment, it may be a turn off. Some girls enjoy a challenge.

Then there are some girls that want to fix broken birds, and trust me, there are a lot of these types out there. She may seek out the bad boy in hopes to rehabilitate him. If that's the case there's not much you can do other than pretend to be a badass yourself.  Although, pretending to be something you're not to someone who doesn't even appreciate you is pretty lame. But if you really want to...

There's various ways you can show her your new "no gives a fuck" attitude. You could show up to school or work or wherever the fuck you know her from with "SLAYER" freshly carved into your forearm. Nothing says bad boy more than self inflicted flesh wounds, blood, and the seminal thrash metal band, Slayer. Also, make sure you show up to work and/or school late and with booze on your breath. Only cool dudes are alcoholics with a history of tardiness.

This should be enough to get the wheels rolling in this gals head. She'll begin to think she saw you all wrong. Maybe she'll even ask you to hang out. Tell her you got some court date for publicly urinating on some police prescient on whichever day she decides to ask you to hang. Even better, you may wanna punch a cop or two within her line of sight. Sure that's like a $10,000 fine and up to ten years in jail but c'mon...can you really put a price on love?

I hope you finally win this girl over and you find out that she wasn't even worth your time anyways. We all need to do that sooner or later. When it's all over and your "SLAYER" scar sets in and you're finally out of jail maybe you'll find a girl who likes you for you. Till then, there's plenty of metal bands and plenty of skin on your body.

In my opinion, I'd say just keep your cool and be you. You're nineteen years old, these are your glory days so go live them! Girls and guys and everything in between just like people that are comfortable in their own skin. Don't waste time on people that make you feel inadequate, you shouldn't have to be something else for someone else. You deserve better, you are a nice guy!

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